she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
