Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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