Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Couch. On fire.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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