Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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