that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
