Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
