I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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