every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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