so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
