just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
