Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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