my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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