I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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