I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
