East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
