proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
