I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
