You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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