Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
