i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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