i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
