i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
