Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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