after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
