I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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