I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
