Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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