Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
