the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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