What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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