Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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