My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
