True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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