If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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