she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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