the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
