i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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