I think scott just propositioned me for sex
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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