I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
