I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
