Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
