May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
