Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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