i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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