I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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