Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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