I am midnight drunk by noon
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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