Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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