im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
