im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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