Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
